Philemon 1-21; Luke 14.25-33
When we talk about love so much, it is admittedly quite weird and jarring when we hear Jesus tell us we need to hate our families in order to follow him. Surely he doesn’t mean it. After all, doesn’t the same Jesus tell us to not only love those who love us, but also to even love our enemies? And what about the most important commandments being to ‘love God, and love your neighbour as yourself’? But today we hear that we have to hate life itself! So is Jesus having a split personality moment? What does he mean?
It’s tempting to take what we read in the Bible at face value, even when we know that we are reading a translation and viewing it through many centuries of cultural and social development. But one answer is that the language here is a classic example of hyperbole - over the top language used for dramatic effect. Jesus is making a point.
In Jewish traditions, “hate” is of course used to describe animosity between actual enemies. But it is also used in other ways, for example when talking about discernment between right and wrong. Throughout the Psalms and Proverbs in the Old Testament, the wicked are said to ‘hate’ discipline, justice, and knowledge, while the righteous ‘hate’ wickedness, falsehood, and gossip. In this way, the word is used to mean ‘reject’, or ‘do not value’, or ‘not valued as much as something else’. So here in this gospel reading, Jesus is not advocating intense hostility toward family and life itself, but, rather, he’s stating that we must not allow anything to take priority, to displace what is truly the most valuable - namely, following him. It is about precedence. What value do we place on our identities as Christians? Do we allow that identity to take precedence over other pressures or desires?
The theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer talks about cheap grace as opposed to costly grace. Cheap grace, he says, is the idea that it doesn’t matter what we do, because we are already forgiven. It is the idea that since grace makes everything ok, there is no need to change anything - the way we live can stay the same as it was before we knew anything of God; it need not be any different to how anyone else in the world lives.
Unsurprisingly, Bonhoeffer is not a fan of this ‘cheap grace’, which negates any need for repentance or effort. But instead, Bonhoeffer urges us to be people who seek after ‘costly grace’, which he describes like this:
“Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a person will gladly sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price for which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciples leave their nets and follow him. Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which we must knock. Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs us our life, and it is grace because it gives us the only true life.”
So costly grace acknowledges the choice that we must make in order to continue on the path of faith. Our faith is one that is free and offered to all, but it still requires something of us; there is a price to pay for being a Jesus-follower. ‘Whoever does not carry the cross cannot be my disciple’, says Jesus. If you do not hate your family and life, you cannot truly be a disciple. The truth is that being a Christian isn’t always about nice rosy love, about cosy church families and patting ourselves on the back. Being a Christian is often hard. It asks something real of us. It requires effort.
To be a person of faith, a Jesus-follower, is like being in a marriage or a long term relationship. There may well be a moment where loyalty is declared, where promises or a commitment is made, but that isn’t the end of the story. Instead, the continuation of that relationship depends on constant recommitment, on the choice to carry on made over and over again. For relationships of any kind need constant care or they wither and crumble. The same is true of our relationship with God.
We don’t become, or discover, that we are Christians one day and that is that. Life would be a lot simpler if it was! But instead the question is fresh to us each morning - will I choose, today, to follow in Jesus’ footsteps to the best of my ability? Being a Christian isn’t something that happens to you and you’re then stuck with it, instead it is something we try and fail and try again at every day of our lives. It takes effort and commitment, it asks something of us. It is costly rather than cheap.
So what Jesus is saying when he makes these alarming comments about hating your family is that he asks us to place our relationship with him, our relationship with God, higher than anything else in our whole lives. It must mean more to us, be worth more to us, than even our parents or children or partners or friends. Jesus is asking us to be remarkably single-minded. To be wholeheartedly invested in one thing, to prioritise that one thing above all to the point where, by comparison, it is almost as if we hate everything else the world has to offer, so highly do we place the value of following Christ.
It’s worth considering the fact that most of the people who have been revered over the years as being especially holy are those who were willing to give up normal lives, to give up other relationships, to give up having possessions. Now living monastic lives may not be something we are all called to, but there is a truth in Jesus’ urgings to be willing to disregard everything else in favour of following him.
I would even suggest that if you feel that your faith doesn’t ask anything of you, perhaps it is time to do some soul searching, to consider carefully where your priorities and values lie. How are you investing in this most precious of relationships, the one between you and your creator? How much do you truly value this call to be a Jesus-follower as your number one identity?
Sometimes we would rather put our time, energy, money or skills into other things. Sometimes our days are too busy to find time for prayer, or our diaries too full to make space for serving others. But Jesus asks us to allow our faith to shape and direct the flow of our whole lives. And the truth is, that is truly hard. This is indeed a costly grace that Jesus calls us to. I sometimes feel like I have a bit of a ‘get out of jail free’ card, because my easy answer to ‘what difference does your faith make to you?’ is ‘um, I’m a priest?’...
But clergy aren’t let off the hook either. It is the same for me as for you that there is always more that can be invested in this relationship, more time that could be spent in prayer, more work to do on my attitudes and actions, more fruit of the Spirit I could bear.
But the joy of our faith is also this, that although Jesus asks something of us, we are rewarded with the greatest of gifts - a tender, strong, everlasting relationship with God who loves us. Salvation is a covenantal relationship, it is two sided. Because the one who calls us into the costly grace of discipleship is also the one who redeems us and makes us whole and holy, Jesus’ command, ‘follow me’ is a challenge, but also a gift beyond price.
So we are asked to make our commitment to God each day, each hour, with every decision and action.
The beautiful way Paul describes the faith of Philemon is inspiring. He writes to his friend saying ‘When I remember you… I always thank my God… I have indeed received much joy and encouragement from your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you’. What a thing to aspire to be said about ourselves! May we be such people of God, such people of costly grace, that others may look at us and receive joy, encouragement, and refreshment of the heart, as we walk the path of faith above all else.
Amen.
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